MDTC Summary - Marriage Equality

LGBTQ+ Military Families Fear Losing Protections

Military families are deeply concerned about the potential repeal of marriage equality and the impact it could have on their lives and livelihoods. In a recent discussion, members of the LGBTQ+ military community shared their worries and experiences as they navigate this uncertain landscape.

Cathy Marcello, Deputy Director at the Modern Military Association of America, explained that there is a "fear that [marriage equality] would be next" to be targeted, as suggested by Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas' comments about revisiting the Obergefell v. Hodges decision. Marcello noted, "It has been a conversation in the communities and the support groups that I work with. There’s a fear that [marriage equality] would be next, and that it's on the table."

What Is at Risk

The Supreme Court's 2015 decision in Obergefell v. Hodges established the constitutional right for same-sex couples to marry nationwide. This landmark ruling carried several key protections and implications:

• Marriage Equality: The decision required all states to license and recognize same-sex marriages on the same terms as opposite-sex marriages.

• Federal Benefits: By recognizing same-sex marriages, the ruling ensured that same-sex couples were entitled to the same federal benefits and protections as opposite-sex married couples, such as Social Security survivor benefits, family medical leave, and tax benefits.

• Military Spousal Benefits: The decision extended military spousal benefits, such as housing allowances and healthcare coverage, to same-sex spouses of service members.

• Overturning State Bans: The ruling struck down state laws that had previously banned or refused to recognize same-sex marriages, effectively legalizing it nationwide.

• Dignity and Equality: Beyond the legal implications, the Obergefell decision was seen as a major victory for the LGBTQ+ community, affirming their right to marry and have their relationships recognized with the same dignity and respect as heterosexual couples.

However, the recent Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization decision, which overturned Roe v. Wade, demonstrates that legal precedents do not guarantee permanent protections. Justice Thomas, in his concurrence, stated that the Court should "reconsider all of this Court’s substantive due process precedents, including Griswold, Lawrence, and Obergefell." This has sparked significant concern within the LGBTQ+ community, including military families.

Military Families Are Concerned

The potential loss of marriage equality protections could have far-reaching consequences for military families. Currently, 14 states still have active marriage bans on the books. Five of these states are among the top 10 with the highest active-duty military populations, making this a potential national security issue.

Mary, a widow and former military spouse, expressed her concern: "If they revoke our marriages, we lose the right to be buried with our spouses in military cemeteries." For same-sex couples who have dedicated their lives to service, this would be a devastating blow.

The uncertainty surrounding the future of marriage equality is also causing some service members to reconsider their careers. Zell Murdy, a therapist and Coast Guard spouse, shared, "I would rather keep my sex assigned at birth and not go through with the transition to support his career, because it’s not something that actively hurts me. My spouse wants me to express myself freely, and he has even considered leaving the military to support me and avoid us going somewhere we might face discrimination."

The conversation revealed deep fears and highlighted the very real impact that the potential repeal of marriage equality could have on military families. It is crucial that the voices of these families are heard as the nation grapples with this issue.

Photo by Nikolas Gannon on Unsplash

Compassionate Reassignment as a Solution

One proposed solution was for the military to update its assignment policies to account for the discrimination LGBTQ+ families may face in certain locations. Cathy Marcello suggested, "The military will have to update their assignment policies to factor in if a family is facing discrimination of any form. They can't force that family to live in hostile environments."

The concept of "compassionate reassignment" could help families facing discrimination due to their LGBTQ+ status. However, as Marcello noted, even this approach has challenges. She shared the story of a family who was granted compassionate reassignment only to be placed in another state with its own gender-affirming care ban.

Need for Better Community Support

The conversation also highlighted the need for more community-level support and resources for LGBTQ+ military families. Some spouses expressed a desire for information about "safe places" where they wouldn’t face discrimination, so they could make informed decisions about duty stations or career paths.

Marcello’s organization, the Modern Military Association of America, was mentioned as a resource. She invited participants to connect with their support groups and advocacy work, stating, "We have a support group for LGBTQ+ service members, veterans, and their partners. It’s an amazing resource. It meets the third Monday of every month at 8 p.m."

Conclusion

The discussion emphasized the need for comprehensive policies and community-based solutions to support LGBTQ+ military families, especially in the face of the potential loss of marriage equality protections.

Joanna Nicoletti, whose wife serves in the Army, shared the personal toll of living in uncertainty: “I try really hard to humanize our family, and it’s tiring, but it’s important.” As an LGBTQ interracial military family, the Nicolettis spend a lot of time explaining their lives to those around them. With the potential loss of federal protections, Joanna worries about her future: “If things shift, there’s always a question mark. Military families already plan five to 10 steps ahead and pivot constantly when orders change. Now, I also have to worry about remaining a spouse at all.”

Connect with MMAA:

https://modernmilitary.org/

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