MDTC Summary & Beyond the Article - Military Spouse Retirement
Now It's Our Turn: Does Military Retirement Give Spouses a Real Chance at Careers? (Expanded Article)
When you say "I do" and marry someone who serves our country, there is an understanding that their military career will drive most family life decisions.
"I have dropped opportunities. I've dropped jobs, communities that I wanted, locations I wanted … in order to support his career," said Megan Brown, an Air Force spouse whose husband is nearing military retirement. "But I do think that sometimes in the back of our minds as military spouses, we get this idea and understanding that one day they'll do it back."
But does the transition from military to civilian life mean that it finally gets to be our turn?
"I think that's a little bit of a myth," Brown said.
While we may benefit from a more predictable family life, our professional lives are not as easily revived. After suffering bouts of unemployment and a lack of retirement savings, when military spouses are at the point where we get to have "our turn" professionally, it may be too late to make up for lost time and we may be too focused on everyone else to notice what we’re giving up.
Active-duty military spouses fill an essential logistical role. We take care of the home front. We research new duty stations. We often register kids for school and make medical appointments. We draw out floor plans and plot out where to put the furniture that doesn't quite fit.
We find ways to get through military life. Some of us even thrive. But along the way, we find ourselves and our needs constantly coming in second to the needs of the military. And although military spouses have gotten good at transitioning in many ways, we are not good at prioritizing our own needs over the needs of our family while we are transitioning.
"I was very prepared for him to transition out of active duty," said Anna Larson, a veteran Army spouse whose husband left service in 2021. "I was not prepared for me to transition out of active duty."
Her experience led her to found MilSpouse Transition to help military spouses leave active-duty life. But in trying to help others, she needed to confront her own experience.
"I spent so much time working on what he needed that I'd forgotten to include myself in the conversations," said Larson. "It was always about what he needed to get done; what he needed to do at the VA; how was he feeling about this. And it was not about us as a partnership."
And she's not alone in this others-first mentality, but that is often part of the deal. Taking care of the home front involves juggling the emotions of our kids, setting realistic holiday visit expectations with in-laws, and explaining military work schedules to civilian friends. We serve by carrying the needs of everyone else around us so our spouses arrive ready to do work at their new duty stations, even if it means we forget to take care of ourselves.
Summary of the April Dinner Table Conversation
Military transitions are often portrayed as moments of triumph, a long-awaited crossing of a finish line, that promises no more PCS moves and added stability. Yet beneath the surface lies a web of challenges faced by military families. In our April Conversation military spouses shared candid insights about their transition experiences that revealed the emotional toll and practical obstacles of transitioning out of military service. Understanding how military spouses approach the transition to civilian life is crucial for developing effective strategies to aid military families that will stand to soften the landing for the service member as well.
Communication about Both Careers
Military spouses often make significant career sacrifices to support their partner's service, hindering their own professional aspirations due to frequent relocations and family responsibilities. Guests shared that open and comprehensive family discussions are essential for successful transition planning. Spouses emphasized the need to have blunt conversations that cover both practical and emotional aspects during these conversations to set realistic expectations and ease the transition process. Decision-makers should continue to prioritize career support initiatives tailored to military spouses. In order for this to be effective BOTH the transitioning service member and spouse need to be afforded the ability to have the time and resources to devote to their transition needs. This is a documented issue for service members. Less is documented about how effective military households are in budgeting time and money for a military spouse transition.
A participant named Nerissa shared that her husband participated in the Transition Assistance Program saying, “My husband took TAP during COVID. It was online. I didn’t have a chance to take it.” At the time of the Conversation, many responded by saying they felt guilty for trying to prioritize their own transition needs. But happily not everyone felt that way. “I feel like this fellowship has been ‘my turn’ and I don’t feel guilty about it.” We need to normalize allowing military spouses to take the time they need to prepare.
Identity and Emotional Impact
Military transitions can trigger mental health issues like PTSD, anxiety and depression among veterans, affecting their well-being and family dynamics. This has an impact on veteran’s families as well. Mental health services for both the veteran and the family are needed throughout the transition. Military spouses shared the need to take ownership over their transition. They did so because they perceived no one else was looking out for them specifically and it was up to them to ensure the family transitioned successfully.
One spouse shared that she reframed her own transition from active duty spouse to retired/veteran spouse. “I am a Marine Spouse. The Marines say "Once a Marine, ALWAYS a Marine," right? So I latched onto THAT and said "I'm ALWAYS a Marine Spouse, I CHOSE to serve this community through my education and career, so he can retire ALL HE WANTS...I'm staying PUT! So I still do that.”
Financial Considerations
Many military spouses shared that they were not fully aware of the post-retirement financial implications, such as insurance payments and benefits. Not only should decision-makers provide comprehensive financial guidance during TAP classes to ensure smooth transitions, but they need to find ways to bring military spouses into these conversations as they may feel left out of them in the current model.
Empowering spouses to navigate challenges not only benefits them individually but also strengthens the support infrastructure for transitioning military families. As we honor their sacrifices, let us ensure they receive the support they need to thrive in civilian life.
Resources
Various support initiatives are available and many participants were aware of them. It seemed as though participants were willing to try resources even if they were not geared towards their unique circumstances. It would make sense for those seeking to serve this community to examine how they could extend their current offerings to be more relevant for spouses.
https://www.linkedin.com/in/annadlarson/
https://www.tapevents.mil/courses
https://milspousetransition.com
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