Beyond the Article - What Happens to Military Families After a Loved One's Suicide?

(Expanded Article)

When a member of the military community dies by suicide, their neighbors, friends, brothers in arms, and families gather. Those in the community express their grief, offer support, try their best to be a salve, even if they don’t know what to say.

“That night we were notified I had two conversations that I remember,” Kristen Christy, Air Force spouse and Master Resilience Trainer for the Air Force and the Army, recalled of the days following one of the worst days of her life. “One was a friend from church, and she came and said, ‘Kristen, he's in the better place.’ And in the rawness of the moment, I said, ‘Why isn't the better place at home or at the dining room table?’”

Christy’s husband had killed himself three days before he was set to accept the rank of Colonel.

The other conversation Christy remembered, while mostly focused that day on how to help her two sons, was simple but impactful. Her friend approached her and said, “Kristen, I have no words for you.” And gave her a hug.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

The military community has expended substantial effort to eliminate suicide. It employs robust, evidence-based suicide prevention strategies, including an emphasis on lethal means safety, promoting mental health care and leveraging civilian partnerships. But are we so focused on suicide prevention that the larger community has neglected the families of the suicides we couldn’t prevent? Do we move on too quickly after a death, quietly diminishing support for families to avoid the difficult conversations that are part of grief?

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On December 26, 2024, an active-duty service member died by suicide after detonating an explosive device in his Tesla truck outside the Trump International Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada. He had seemingly served honorably for years. This tragic incident, while shocking, underscores a long-standing issue: the emotional toll of war and the systemic silence that often accompanies it.

Incidents like these reveal that the military’s mental health crisis is not just about suicide rates—it’s about the deep, unseen scars of war and the officially and unofficial policies that discourage addressing them. To truly prevent such tragedies, there must be a cultural shift: one that prioritizes mental health as much as physical readiness and acknowledges that the weight of war doesn’t end when the uniform comes off.

And when we fail to save a life, we have to be ready to support those who are left behind.