Beyond the Article - The Mental Load of Accessing Benefits

(Expanded Article)

The article that follows is the result of two different Military Dinner Table Conversations, one on child care and the other on health care for military kids. Both Conversations highlighted the same thing, there is a mental load of accessing benefits that no one seems to be talking about. So let’s talk about it…

When I first moved to my husband's current duty station, a woman on the other end of the line at Tricare West's call center said that the local military treatment facility (MTF) was full and no longer taking new patients. I was given the name and phone number of a local physician and sent on my way.

After weeks of leaving messages with no reply, I finally got ahold of someone at the doctor's office.

"I'm sorry, I know that our website says we are accepting patients, but that is old information," the receptionist said.

I called Tricare and was assigned a new doctor, only to be rejected again as the office wasn't taking new Tricare patients. It happened a total of three times.

The mental load is intense for military families who report feeling like they are often handed more than they can handle. Photo by Stormseeker on Unsplash

When I finally called Tricare West back after the third doctor rejected me, so much time had passed that a spot had opened up at the MTF. When I voiced my frustration at this runaround, I was told I needed to call yet another number to help update Tricare's provider list. This was the mental load I was handed because my husband had orders from the Navy to move to a new duty station.

I was lucky. My three kids were assigned to doctors right away, and no one in my family is medically complex. For those who have to line up specialty or mental health care, the back and forth can become a full-time job. But is the mental load of using military benefits to be expected or an indicator of a broken system?

"My son was enrolled in the CDC [military base child care], but due to his behavior issues and sensory issues, he was getting kicked out almost daily," said active-duty airman Master Sergeant Rachel Kegley. When she shared her concerns with her pediatrician, she was told that her son would grow out of it. When she took him to his kindergarten physical three years later, the provider put in a referral for a neuro-psych evaluation to hopefully provide the family with answers.

"We called all over town; no one had any openings," said Kegley. When she finally obtained an autism diagnosis for her son, Kegley turned to the Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP) for resources and support. But after an initial phone call, she says she never heard from the care coordinator again. So, she kept making calls. "Most of them are not taking patients or they no longer take Tricare. Same thing with pharmacies. You call around trying to find a medication for your kids, and either they don't have the medication or they don't take Tricare. … It is very challenging."

The concept of the "mental load" or invisible work has gone viral in recent years, largely focusing on the small but nagging tasks that often go unacknowledged at home and at work and are disproportionately heaped on women -- making doctor's appointments, checking the kids' backpacks to ensure there isn't a crumpled permission slip hiding under a rotten banana, etc.

It means living with a never-ending to-do list. They are the little tasks that keep a family running, but can wear on the person who carries the bulk of the "load." When the already complex process of accessing benefits is combined with military bureaucracy, the mental burden can loom large.

Go Beyond the Article

The mental load is very buzzy. It gets clicks because finally, primary caregivers and household operators have a phrase that puts into words what we have been unable to articulate. We are overwhelmed by our every growing to-do list. We even build coping strategies that are unhealthy. Instead of waiting on hold for our own appointments we forgo the doctor and focus on spending our precious time getting things lined up for family members.

While some of this is to be expected, accessing civilian-provided benefits is not easy either, the volume of this burden is far greater simply because we have to reestablish care every two to three years.

The mental load of accessing benefits should be measured if we are to understand if our benefits are being slowly eroded.

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